Sunday, April 10, 2005

We Were Both Eighteen and it Felt So Right, Sleeping All Day Staying Up All Night

So as I was walking back from the Exxon tonight, I saw all these people walking around on campus. And I thought to myself, "Wow, why are there so many people out this late?" Then it took me a few minutes to realize that it was only around nine o'clock on a Saturday night. And I was hurrying to get inside. What is my problem? When did I suddenly start equating darkness with having to run and hide, find the light? With having to be alone and not have any fun?

Darkness used to be MY time. I used to relish the time of day when it finally got dark. It was my time to do what I wanted. I could walk around town; just for hours on end; thinking things out that I needed to. Or I could go out and party, or just sit around talking to people. The point it that is was MY time....and I rarely got home until it started getting light outside. I don't know why I always enjoyed being outside in the dark. There are nights when the darkness was calming to me, serene. Then there are nights when there is just that spice in the air, and I know the night will be anything but calm.

It's starting to get darker later now. Summer is coming. For once, I don't have any idea what it will bring. The darkness....just the FEEL in the air made me ponder things tonight. How much I've changed. WHY I've changed. And how to get some things back that I need. So walking around tonight, I pondered on a lot of things. I walked alone, and then I stopped and screamed to the darkness, "You better watch out, I'm BACK!!" And I laughed the rest of the way back to my room.

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