I'm Jaded, Stupid and Reckless

So I sat down last night and wrote this whole long blog. But because the internet SUCKS, it all got erased. I was too angry about it to attempt to rewrite it last night. So I'm trying it again.

I hate losing control. So I never let myself. I avoid anything and everything that could possibly make me take risks. I will sacrifice whatever it takes not to lose control. Whatever good MIGHT come, I will sacrifice. I don't open myself up to be hurt. I don't let myself be vulnerable. Ever. I used to, I used to do it all the time. But nothing good ever came of it. So I gained a hell of a lot of self control to prevent it from happening again.

Sometimes I work SO hard to prevent things from happening. But lately I've been wondering why. I mean no matter what I do, it's not like I make things better in any way. Why is it such a big thing to me to make sure certain things don't happen? Maybe I should just let them happen. It's been so long. The circumstances are different, some things might have changed since then. There is a slim possibility that some good MIGHT come of it....but I've haven't been ballzy enough in a while to find out. I'm thinking it's about time I stopped trying so hard to prevent things from happening. Maybe I just need to learn how to deal with pain.