If I Could Sleep Forever, Would You Still Be In My Dreams?

I hate stupid things. I really do. I hate it when people get obsessed over them. It's a waste of time. I hate it more when I'm the person getting obsessed about it. It's useless, and trust me, I am well aware of how stupid I sound complaining about it. I get that from my mother, I suppose. She freaks out about the tiniest little issues. It drives me nuts. But getting obsessed over trivial things is something I don't do often, but I do it. And I hate it. But there's a lot of things I'm doing lately that I hate. They're little things other people probably don't even notice. But it's not like before, I don't hate them because they're not something I would normally do. I just hate them because they're stupid. I hate that I can't forget. I hate that I am obsessed with making sure I see. I hate that I can't control my thoughts, or my feelings, no matter how hard I try. I hate that I let my mothers petty little insecurities and annoyances bother me. I hate that I get myself into things so often, thinking every time will be different from the last. It isn't. I hate that every time I sit down to concentrate on something, my mind takes a detour down this path I can't control--twisting and turning until I can't stand it anymore and finally jolt myself out of it.

I guess I am a control freak. But I am not one of those people who has to have everything in a certain order and precise distances apart. The things I want to control are usually things that can't be controlled. Like my temper. Thoughts. Friendship. Love. God knows I've tried. I used to be amazing at controlling my mind, but it's been so long. I swear I just shut off once I got to school. I've forgotten so much. Even though I'm drowning in my memories lately. But there is a difference, believe me. It's like no matter what I do, there's always going to be this little person on my shoulder, reminding of the things I long to forget. No matter what I do, there's always going to be this person that I can't erase from my memory. This time in my life that I wish would just disappear. But it won't.