Throw Everything Out the Window
Sometimes I just want to shut up and let everything happen. Sometimes I just want to say, "You know what? Screw it." Sometimes I just want to give in to my emotions and see where they take me. But apparently, that always gets me into trouble. I just want to have answers to things. I'm sick of not knowing. I'm sick of sitting around and not doing anything about it, because I have no other choice. I mean, how hard would it be to just let go, for once, and let fate take its course? I guess when I am able to do that is when I'll fall in love and it will actually mean something.
Sometimes I marvel at how completely I screw things up. Seriously. It's inevitable. I ALWAYS screw things up. The most romantic season of the year, and I'm left here alone. Again. Although it's not as if I'm actually going to BE here for most of it. Nope, I'll be away on a fun-filled family vacation. (Anything involving my family does not deserve to be called fun-filled, I assure you.) But maybe it will help to get away for a while. Clear my head. Maybe get some perspective on things. All the while getting bombarded with questions about college and being compared to my cousin, who is my complete opposite. The worst part is, she is about a month older than me, and one of those straight-A little picture-perfect Mormon girls that you just want to smack. I bet she hasn't done one serious thing wrong in her life. Hence the fact that she's my complete opposite. I haven't seen my extended family in about three years. I think they are going to be surprised at how much I've changed. I'd have to say that I've become the significant black sheep of the family. A million things happend to me in Italy, things that changed me and made me who I am today. But no one can even begin to understand that, not even my parents. Not like anyone has particularly TRIED to understand it before....not even my friends. Which isn't saying much, considering I haven't had any REAL friends since I got to this place. But that's another story, for another time.
As for now, if anyone has ANY advice on what I should do or how I should handle things, it would be much appreciated. ;)
Sometimes I marvel at how completely I screw things up. Seriously. It's inevitable. I ALWAYS screw things up. The most romantic season of the year, and I'm left here alone. Again. Although it's not as if I'm actually going to BE here for most of it. Nope, I'll be away on a fun-filled family vacation. (Anything involving my family does not deserve to be called fun-filled, I assure you.) But maybe it will help to get away for a while. Clear my head. Maybe get some perspective on things. All the while getting bombarded with questions about college and being compared to my cousin, who is my complete opposite. The worst part is, she is about a month older than me, and one of those straight-A little picture-perfect Mormon girls that you just want to smack. I bet she hasn't done one serious thing wrong in her life. Hence the fact that she's my complete opposite. I haven't seen my extended family in about three years. I think they are going to be surprised at how much I've changed. I'd have to say that I've become the significant black sheep of the family. A million things happend to me in Italy, things that changed me and made me who I am today. But no one can even begin to understand that, not even my parents. Not like anyone has particularly TRIED to understand it before....not even my friends. Which isn't saying much, considering I haven't had any REAL friends since I got to this place. But that's another story, for another time.
As for now, if anyone has ANY advice on what I should do or how I should handle things, it would be much appreciated. ;)
posted by Laci04 at 10:29 PM
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