Laughing With Your Broken Eyes

So I have concluded that there has GOT to me something wrong with me. The other night I went on a date with this really cool guy and felt absolutely NOTHING. I tried to, believe me, I tried. But still nothing. I mean there wasn’t anything wrong with this guy at all, but apparently there is something wrong with me. You know, I've really hated that you can’t control who you have feelings for. I mean this guy probably would have been very good for me, but I wasn’t attracted to him….at ALL.

Oh and another thing. Apparently I have no guts. That, and I am so entirely terrified of what will happen that I refuse to do anything about it. I tend not focus on the fact that something GOOD could actually come out of it. I hate how people judge without even knowing that person. That annoys me. I also hate how people freak out so easily when I’m honest with them. Some people appreciate honesty. They don’t freak out and not talk to me again. Arghhh I swear it’s like two years ago all over again. Only things are different this time. I wish some people could see that. It really makes me want to pull my hair out, and then I think Okay, no…this is a GOOD thing….he’s bad for you….you have nothing in common anymore….he’s not your type….he’ll just mess with your mind….it’s a good thing.. Unfortunately my logical thinking is in full swing lately. That annoys me too. If I didn’t follow my head all the time I might actually get somewhere in a relationship.

Okay so if I actually do this…and do it right this time….things could turn out good, or he could say “Oh,” and never talk to me again. (Not that he’s especially talking to me NOW…so I wouldn’t be changing much, now would I.) And I feel as if I need to prove to myself that yes, I DO have guts, and I CAN do this. I screwed it up last time, I need to do it RIGHT this time. I’m thinking too much about it….ACTION time!