The Sun Was Just Yellow Energy
I don't know what I want anymore. Part of me just wants to go to LA like I've always planned and live my dream. Massage therapy was never my dream. It was just something to pass the time, I guess. A temporary thing. I've always had the same dream. My whole life. And if I could get anywhere even close to it? I'd do it. But you know what? Something's stopping me. The same thing that has been stopping me my whole life from doing it. I'm scared.
I'm absolutely terrified of doing something and not having a plan. I'm scared of going and not having a sure thing. I'm scared of doing something and having to depend on someone else for help. Needing someone and being scared are not two things I admit to easily. Well I already screwed over that whole needing someone thing, so I mind as well succomb to the being scared thing. I'm not scared of being on my own. I know me, I know I can handle it. I'm scared of going somewhere to pursue something that I'm not sure I can accomplish. I'm scared that I don't believe that I can do this.
But I want to. I need a change. I need to get away from all the mistakes I've made this summer. All the things I've screwed up. All the people I've screwed up. I love Italy, don't get me wrong. I love my life here. Well, at least I used to. I was crazy to think that things would go at least slightly back how they used to be. Everyone's gone. There's nothing left for me here. Not really, anyway. Anyone that mattered to me is gone. Sure, I know my family is here, but I won't stay for them. I want to go for me. Okay so it might be selfish of me. But a girls got to do what she's got to do, right?
"Elsewhere"
I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In this space where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand
Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Oh mother don't you see I've got
To live my life the way I feel is right for me,
Say it's not right for you
But it's right for me
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand
I'm absolutely terrified of doing something and not having a plan. I'm scared of going and not having a sure thing. I'm scared of doing something and having to depend on someone else for help. Needing someone and being scared are not two things I admit to easily. Well I already screwed over that whole needing someone thing, so I mind as well succomb to the being scared thing. I'm not scared of being on my own. I know me, I know I can handle it. I'm scared of going somewhere to pursue something that I'm not sure I can accomplish. I'm scared that I don't believe that I can do this.
But I want to. I need a change. I need to get away from all the mistakes I've made this summer. All the things I've screwed up. All the people I've screwed up. I love Italy, don't get me wrong. I love my life here. Well, at least I used to. I was crazy to think that things would go at least slightly back how they used to be. Everyone's gone. There's nothing left for me here. Not really, anyway. Anyone that mattered to me is gone. Sure, I know my family is here, but I won't stay for them. I want to go for me. Okay so it might be selfish of me. But a girls got to do what she's got to do, right?
"Elsewhere"
I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In this space where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand
Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Oh mother don't you see I've got
To live my life the way I feel is right for me,
Say it's not right for you
But it's right for me
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand
posted by Laci04 at 7:45 AM
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