Fragments Of Pictures Form My Core, All Strewn About On This Prison Floor

So watching television lately has depressed me. Maybe it’s the whole picture-perfect “why can’t my first kiss be like that,” type scenarios. Or maybe I just constantly live in a dream world. That’s what it feels like lately. I don’t know why I’m here, where I’m going, why I keep changing my mind, and well, basically why I do anything. There are only one or two people in this world that know me well enough that they can smack me upside the head and say, “Come back to reality! This isn’t you, and you know it!” Unfortunately one of them I rarely talk to anymore, and the other, well he just moved last week. That was right around the time that the only stable relationship I’ve ever had ended, and then he moved. Needless to say, that week sucked. It was really hard for me. Two of the people I trusted most in my life were gone. I didn’t really know what to do. Still don’t. It’s still hard. I don’t know, I think I’ve finally gotten to that point in my life lately where I’m rethinking everything. I don’t really know much anymore. Pretty much all of my plans for school or anything are just, well, gone. Maybe I just need to get out of this place. Start new in someplace I actually WANT to be. Where no one knows me, so they can’t judge me, or base their opinions on how they think someone in my place should be acting. Maybe I just want to live in a place where I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder whenever I do anything. Somewhere I can go buy coffee in the morning without it turning into World War III, or that I can order wine at a restaurant with my dinner without worrying that someone is going to tell my “mommy and daddy” on me. I’m almost twenty. I should be able to live my own life, right? Ugh, enough with the thinking. I have a headache.